you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
