why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
