i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
