you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
