we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
