I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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