I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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