i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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