You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
