i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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