god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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