Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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