Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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