you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
