Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
