I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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