Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drake has all the answers
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
