I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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