you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize