This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
