Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
