why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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