I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish you could order shots online.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
