I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
