I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
