you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
