I'm jealous of your bromance
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm just crazy horny about you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
