ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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