well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
