You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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