I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
