I'm gonna have a badass scar
I smell stomach acid.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
