I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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