ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
