So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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