At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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