It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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