everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
