omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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