she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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