when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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