He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
