I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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