I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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