The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Drunk is not a location!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
