I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
