Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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