I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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