my soul wont recognize me after tonight
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
