I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
