So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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