there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
