Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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