Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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