I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
