i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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