Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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