The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
