Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
