I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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