i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
