How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
