When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
