Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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