I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
