Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
