These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
