you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
