she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
