Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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