so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
